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News

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > british-government-gives-religious-exemption-for-suicide-vests

British Government Gives Religious Exemption For Suicide Vests

3+ mon, 4+ hour ago   (36+ words) LONDON — In an ongoing effort to balance religious freedom and public safety, the government of the United Kingdom decided to grant exemptions for committed Muslims who wish to don suicide vests for religious and ceremonial purposes....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > man-condemned-to-hell-for-texting-lol-when-he-didnt-really-laugh-out-loud

Man Condemned To Hell For Texting 'LOL' When He Didn't Really Laugh Out Loud

5+ mon, 3+ week ago   (219+ words) HADES — Demons happily welcomed 27-year-old Jim Carole to Hell on Tuesday after he was immediately condemned to eternal damnation for texting "LOL" to a close friend when he didn't really laugh out loud. "Ahh! It Burns! MY FLESH IS BEING…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > jesus-heals-demon-possessed-man-by-taking-away-his-smartphone

Jesus Heals Demon-Possessed Man By Taking Away His Smartphone

9+ mon, 2+ week ago   (178+ words) CAPERNAUM — Residents of several nearby villages were abuzz with excitement this week, as the traveling carpenter-turned-teacher Jesus of Nazareth healed a demon-possessed man by taking away his smartphone. According to witnesses, the man's desperate friends and family brought him to…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > baptist-pastor-steps-down-after-old-tweets-containing-darn-resurface

Baptist Pastor Resigns In Shame After Old Tweets Containing ‘Darn’ Resurface

11+ mon, 1+ week ago   (201+ words) BIRMINGHAM, AL — When he stepped down from the pulpit Sunday, local Baptist preacher Jim Craver had no idea it would be for the last time. Just days later, old tweets resurfaced in which he used the word "darn," forcing him…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > mormons-respond-to-attack-by-continuing-to-be-amazingly-kind-to-everyone

Mormons Respond To Attack By Continuing To Be Amazingly Kind To Everyone

11+ mon, 1+ week ago   (190+ words) GRAND BLANC, MI — Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints responded to the tragic attacks on one of their locations by continuing to be nice and friendly to everyone they met. "Gosh, this really boils my blood,…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > satan-ive-made-a-huge-mistake

Satan: 'I've Made A Huge Mistake"

11+ mon, 3+ week ago   (143+ words) U.S. — Surveying the hundreds of thousands gathered for Charlie Kirk's memorial service, along with the millions watching across the globe, a despondent Satan declared that he had "made a huge mistake." "Well, this isn't going like I planned at all," sighed…...