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Babylon Bee is the definitive source of fake news you can trust.
- 1,701articles · 365d
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News
Girl Scouts To Award Muslim Badge To Any Girl Who Gets Married Before Age 8
2+ week, 3+ day ago (33+ words) U.S. — The Girl Scouts of America, in cooperation with the Islamic Center of America in Dearborn, MI, unveiled a new Muslim badge girls could earn by getting married before the age of 8....
Confirmed: Reel Of All Your Life's Bloopers To Be Played When You Arrive In Heaven
2+ week, 4+ day ago (231+ words) ETERNITY — According to heavenly sources, the newly deceased who enter into the Lord's rest are shown a blooper reel that spans their entire lives for everyone to laugh at. Hot off the heels of judgment, newcomers in Heaven must also…...
Bible Scholars Now Believe David Yelled, 'Kobe!' While Hucking Stone At Goliath
2+ week, 5+ day ago (30+ words) VALLEY OF ELAH — A group of theologians and biblical scholars recently concluded that there was reason to believe that David yelled "Kobe!" while hucking a stone at Goliath....
Young-Earth Creationist Has No Explanation For Fact That Nancy Pelosi Is 12,000 Years Old
3+ week, 3+ day ago (162+ words) PETERSBURG, KY — A local young-earth creationist is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after realizing he has no explanation for the fact that Nancy Pelosi is 12,000 years old. Thomas Paley, who is a firm believer that God created the Earth…...
Unscriptural Hymn Unfortunately A Banger
1+ mon, 2+ day ago (34+ words) IRVINE, CA — The elders of the United Reformed Church of Irvine made the devastating discovery Sunday that an unscriptural hymn, entirely inappropriate for corporate worship on the Lord's Day, was unfortunately quite a banger....
Angel Still Guarding Eden With Flaming Sword Wondering If He Can Move Yet
1+ mon, 5+ day ago (37+ words) EDEN — Having gone an inordinate length of time standing watch in the same place for many, many years, the angel guarding the Garden of Eden with a flaming sword reportedly started wondering if he could move yet....
New Progressive Bible Features Perforated Pages For Easy Removal Of Parts You Don’t Like
1+ mon, 1+ week ago (309+ words) babylonbee.com New Progressive Bible Features Perforated Pages For Easy Removal Of Parts You Don’t Like U.S. — Christians with strong liberal leanings were abuzz with excitement this week, as a publisher introduced a new Progressive Bible that features perforated pages…...
Tell Us What Kind Of Coffee Your Church Serves And We'll Tell You What Denomination You Are
1+ mon, 1+ week ago (266+ words) All churches that truly love Jesus serve coffee, but did you know that you can actually tell what denomination a church is by what coffee it serves? Here are 17 different forms of caffeinated goodness and what church you'll find them…...
Pastor Psyches Himself Up For Another Grueling One-Day Work Week
1+ mon, 1+ week ago (35+ words) SAINT LOUIS, MO — It was officially "go time" on Friday at the home of one local pastor, as he commenced his normal routine of psyching himself up for yet another grueling one-day work week....
American Missionaries Dispatched To Europe To Spread The Good News About Air Conditioning
2+ mon, 1+ week ago (23+ words) BRANDENBURG — Missionaries from the greatest country on earth were seen going door to door throughout Europe, spreading the good news of air conditioning....