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News

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > young-earth-creationist-has-no-explanation-for-fact-that-nancy-pelosi-is-12000-years-old

Young-Earth Creationist Has No Explanation For Fact That Nancy Pelosi Is 12,000 Years Old

3+ week, 3+ day ago   (162+ words) PETERSBURG, KY — A local young-earth creationist is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after realizing he has no explanation for the fact that Nancy Pelosi is 12,000 years old. Thomas Paley, who is a firm believer that God created the Earth…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > not-fake-news-he-is-risen-indeed

Not Fake News: He Is Risen

5+ mon, 1+ week ago   (72+ words) He is risen indeed! Not Fake News: He Is Risen He is risen indeed! Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist? NASA Starting To Think Stocking Ship With Chipotle Might Have Been A Mistake...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > bible-receives-modern-update-with-morally-gray-edition

Bible Receives Modern Update With 'Morally Gray Edition"

5+ mon, 2+ week ago   (286+ words) CLEVELAND, OH — The Bible finally received a much-needed modern update called the Morally Gray Edition, which removes all outdated black-and-white morality that was found in prior editions. "Modern people don't have time to worry about whether or not God is…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > you-know-you-really-shouldnt-judge-people-woman-tells-jesus-seated-on-throne-of-judgment

'You Know, The Bible Says You Shouldn't Judge People,' Woman Tells Jesus At Great Throne Of Judgment

6+ mon, 3+ week ago   (174+ words) HEAVENLY THRONE ROOM — As she stood before the great white throne of judgment upon whom sat One with the appearance of jasper and carnelian, recently deceased Tiffany Smith told Jesus that He really shouldn't be so judgy. "You know, you…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > st-peter-shows-scott-adams-to-his-glorious-heavenly-cubicle

St. Peter Shows Scott Adams To His Glorious Heavenly Cubicle

7+ mon, 4+ week ago   (235+ words) HEAVEN — Celestial sources say that Scott Adams, creator of the "Dilbert" comic strip, has just been shown to the glorious heavenly cubicle where he will spend the rest of eternity praising God. According to St. Peter, the renowned comic artist…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > unitarian-president-reaffirms-belief-that-a-man-should-not-speak-in-church

Unitarian President Reaffirms Belief That A Man Should Not Speak In Church

11+ mon, 1+ week ago   (274+ words) BOSTON, MA — The President of the Unitarian Universalist Association has come out strongly to reaffirm the denomination's commitment to the belief that a man should not speak in church. The Unitarian Universalist Association is the nation's largest group of Unitarian…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > pope-condemns-god-for-instituting-the-death-penalty

Pope Condemns God For Instituting The Death Penalty

11+ mon, 1+ week ago   (314+ words) VATICAN CITY — The supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church issued a sharp criticism of the Almighty Creator of the universe this week, as Pope Leo XIV publicly condemned God for instituting the death penalty. Pope Condemns God For Instituting The…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > baptist-pastor-steps-down-after-old-tweets-containing-darn-resurface

Baptist Pastor Resigns In Shame After Old Tweets Containing ‘Darn’ Resurface

11+ mon, 1+ week ago   (201+ words) BIRMINGHAM, AL — When he stepped down from the pulpit Sunday, local Baptist preacher Jim Craver had no idea it would be for the last time. Just days later, old tweets resurfaced in which he used the word "darn," forcing him…...